My friends, my readers, perfect strangers, can I ask you to add to your prayers? Please?
I feel a bit selfish asking you to add something in when you are likely all busy praying for those in Oklahoma right now (I am too). What I need seems so small compared to the devastation in OK, but it’s very real in my life right now.
I am expecting. I am just over 11 weeks along. My last baby was born at just 10 weeks and 5 days. (To read more about that, you can look at this post.) Anyway, I celebrated this pregnancy when I was past the point when I lost my baby boy. But, Sunday brought all the same kinds of complications that I experienced last time. It felt like it was back to haunt and ruin my peace and joy with this new baby growing inside of me. I told HUBBY that it feels like a bad dream. But it’s one of those bad dreams that you have already dreamed before, and you know how it ends, but can’t wake up, no matter how hard you try.
So, here’s how this works for me right now. If I go about “life as usual,” then my cervix seems too weak to handle the pressure of my growing baby and expanding uterus. When my cervix gets grumpy, I start having contractions. The contractions just add to the cervical pressure and it becomes a nasty, nasty downward spiral. The very spiral that led to my water breaking, contractions hitting full force and a baby delivered at 10 weeks and 5 days last time. I don’t want to loose this baby too!
But, what can I do? Can I do anything to help stop the cycle? Unfortunately there is relatively very little I can do. I can stay down – completely down – so to reduce any possible pressure on my cervix. This is a challenge for ANY mother. But I am not just any mother. I am a mother of five. I also own my own business which is in a very important development phase right now and can’t really just be ignored. I am also a student and have class every morning for 4+ hours and hours and hours of homework each night. It would seem like the homework would not be a big deal and sitting in class would not be a big deal, but woah, it is harder than it sounds. When I say that I have to stay down, that means laying – generally on one side or the other, or on my back with a slight tilt to one side or the other. Sitting – like a normal person – is one of the worst things I can do to my cervix. That makes class a touch awkward, but if it helps to sit all kinds of weird, then bring on the weird. It is also challenging in the homework department. Laying down, but trying to use my computer means I am sitting in fairly unnatural positions, which can cause some mega headaches for me, but I want to avoid medicine if possible for baby’s sake. Or, I can sit fairly naturally with my laptop on my tummy. The catch there is the heat from my laptop just makes my cervix relax all the more. My big sister calls it getting “loosey goosey” and that is NOT what I want! I want that cervix to be as tight and tough as it can get. Sum up? Sure, that’s easy in one word. Complicated!
One other thing I can do to help is staying really hydrated. The catch with that is the natural consequence of needing to use the bathroom more often. That causes two problems. Standing and sitting are required. One other simple thing that can help for a time to relax the contractions and help rest from any extra pressure is a nice warm bath. The problem comes in getting out of the bath. I have yet to figure out a way to get out of the tub without adding pressure to my tummy and such. They are all good things, but they are not without challenges.
Last night, my sweet husband was my advocate. He contacted the OBGYN on duty at the hospital and asked if there was anything else that could be done at this stage. We of course spent much of the day yesterday researching premature labor and dozens of other concerns. There were a couple of things that sounded like they might help me. HUBBY asked the doctor about the one that seemed the most appropriate for this early stage of baby’s development. The Dr. agreed and gave me a prescription for progesterone. It is a hormone that can sort of help ease those contractions. Between it and staying down and having all of our family keep me and this tiny baby in their prayers, it seems to be much better today. I have had much fewer and way less frequent contractions and my cervix seems less angry with me.
However, I am not naive enough to think that I am completely out of danger yet. So, I am doing everything I know how to do and the only thing left is to pray. I love prayer. I believe in it’s power. But, when that is the only thing you can do to try to protect the life of your baby, it seems like simply not enough. I feel compelled to try to do something more. That is why I am here, asking for anyone out there that feels like they can, to add their prayers to mine and my family’s. The next few days will determine so much, and the next few weeks will likely determine if I get to keep this baby and hold it in my arms or if I will be left delivering a baby that is far to tiny to survive. Again. I have never done something like this and it feels so strange to do with people that I don’t even know, but God listens to every heartfelt prayer from a sincere heart. And I can use all the help I can get. So, at least I can ask and feel like I am at least doing SOMETHING more to try to help my baby by at least asking. Plus, added faith and added prayers really can lead to miracles. And that is what I need right now.
I want to thank Marie Stones for her beautiful scrapbook collection U&Me from http://www.freedigitalscrapbooking.com for the cute touches to add to my first scrapbooked picture of this little one! Unlike my norm, the images on this post are not for reuse – somehow that seems inappropriate with my baby’s picture. Thanks.