I have not done well at maintaining my blog of late. I want to take a bit right now to offer an update on my pregnancy and other things going on in my reality right now.
First of all, I am still pregnant!!! It is a hard thing to be pregnant and worry everyday that you might not be tomorrow. My sister called to check on me the other day and asked if I had done anything to try to prepare myself, if there’s anything I can do to prepare myself, for if I loose this baby too. Then I think she felt sort of bad about asking that and asked if I had prepared myself for if I get to keep this baby. Well, my answer to both is that I try my best not to do either, but unfortunately both seem ever present just under the surface of my active thoughts. I don’t want to dwell on the “what if” possibilities. If I dwell on the sad ones, I feel like I am not giving all possible positive energy, faith, and hope to keeping this baby. It makes me feel like a traitor to the gift God has granted in letting me be OK and helping the baby be OK for so long. If I focus on when the baby is born, I am perpetually overwhelmed with feelings of insecurity, worry, and doubt. That leads right back to the other question, “what if I loose the baby,” and it’s no good. I do try to be optimistic, but I have come to a place where I find piece in being optimistic about each moment, or each day, and not worrying about next week or next month or the beginning of December when I am due. I delight in being able to say that I feel “stable.” I don’t feel great, I often feel lousy, but when I feel lousy it is because I am still pregnant, and that feels great! Stable is a WONDERFUL place to be right now!
I still can’t sit worth anything, which makes it harder to keep up my blog, do ALL the work I need to be doing for our business right now, or create great stuff for ONE’s 10th (can you believe it?!) Birthday party that is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Standing is still pretty rough, but I can do it for short periods. I have been able to make a couple of meals for my family in the last two weeks finally even. I still can’t bend or lift, so my house is an utter disaster zone. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m supposed to be hosting a birthday party here tomorrow morning? Ugh! I don’t need a genie in a lamp to grant me unimaginable riches, but I’d sure love to magically be able to twitch a wand, a nose, or rub a lamp and have my house clean itself! Perhaps someday there will really be maids available like the one on the Jetsons – I could so get into that! I am mostly managing to keep sane – in spite of being unable to do all the stuff I want to and needing to stay down almost all the time. The crazy bad jimmy legs that hit come close to putting me over the edge of the cliff of inanity, but usually that only happens late at night and can be avoided if I can go to bed quickly. That makes work with HUBBY a challenge since those after-kids-are-in-bed hours are often our best work hours, but the sacrifice seems so obviously worth it if we can manage to get this little one here safe and sound, but it can get frustrating even though it’s worth it.
Some other updates… I finished all but one of my summer classes – baby issues and all – and that remaining class will be completed later this summer of perhaps this fall, thanks to a super patient, kind, and willing to work with me professor. Each of my professors was willing to work with the oddities of me being on bed rest and I have felt incredibly blessed for all the positive support from professors and classmates alike!
I don’t often share much about the goings on in our family business, but I have to write just a touch of the craziness of this past month for our business. HUBBY went to Geneva for a conference where we were so blessed and privileged as to be able to share a poster about the open source software we are working on. It is the central workings of the genealogy program we are building and will be made available for people to build on for all kinds of research fields. We are SO excited to be working to get it out just shortly after our genealogy program and hope that it will be able to bless people we wouldn’t be able to reach otherwise. Anyway, HUBBY took our poster and went and spent a whole week in Switzerland and France. (Wow – was that really a whole week ago already?!) I went with the kids to my mom’s house so we were not alone here with me in my iffy state. The funniest part about that is my mom is currently recuperating from a knee surgery. Let’s just say we made quite the pair! LOL!! The kids were good sports and played fairly nicely so that mommy and grandma could both rest. I watched more movies in that one week thought than I have in years! The kids love that grandpa has all sorts of movies – lots of them – and many of them are ones we don’t have and some they have never even seen. My dad set up their floppy sided pool – the kind with a blue plastic bottom and stiff-ish, but still floppy plastic sides – my kids think those are AWESOME because they are WAY bigger than our little turtle pool that is actually meant to be a small kid’s sandbox. They ran in the sprinklers and played in the pool and made homemade hot pads, and the girls sewed dolly clothes with my mom, and the three little ones built with Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, and lots and lots of other super cool toys that only live in grandma’s house (at least that’s how they see them). I spent the time watching my kids, worrying about my mom, worrying about my husband (who did not even know where he was going to stay when he got there and had his luggage lost and all sorts of funny issues), worrying about not doing enough to help mom, and worrying about doing too much to hurt me and/or baby. I was able to read two new books while I was there. That was an absolute treat for me! I NEVER get to read – just for me – just for fun – these days. I read at night when I would normally be talking to my husband about our day or making sure we were all set for the next day and such, but that was not an option since HUBBY was EIGHT hours off in time zone from us! That was CRAZY! He would “call me” by way of the internet during the conference’s scheduled mid-day “coffee break” (they have a lot of those over there it seems) as I was just barely waking up or he would be in contact with me around midnight (to me) as he was just about to head off to the conference for the day! It was easy to read two books while waiting for a midnight call from my sweetheart, LOL. (BTW – I also had a book come in for me at the library that I have been wanting to read for about a year now and read it earlier this week – even though I didn’t have time. It was SO worth it though! What a great book! I cases you’re wondering, it was called Edenbrooke and was fantastic! I won’t give anything away, but I will just say that if you like books sent in the Regency period, like the writings of Jane Austen, then I highly recommend this book!)
Anyway, there is an update into our craziness around here.
One other thing – THANK YOU!!! For all those that have included me and this baby of mine in your prayers, thank you! It is helping, I know it is! I honestly believe that without faith and prayers, I would not still be pregnant. So thank you all!